


While I Die

by astromirage



Series: Tsukkiyama Heather AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Music, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25523611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astromirage/pseuds/astromirage
Summary: what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue sky. she's got you mesmerized.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yamaguchi Tadashi/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Tsukkiyama Heather AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959937
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	While I Die

**Author's Note:**

> well! i think this is one of the sadder tsukkiyama fics I've written. i like to make them happy because they're my comfort ship <\3

Kei shudders as an ice cold wind washes over his bare arms and causes goosebumps to prick up over his skin. 

"Tsukki you idiot!" Tadashi scolds as he fumbles to retrieve his extra sweater, one he kept for occasions where it was extra cold. "Here," he gives the blonde boy his sweater and he takes it gratefully. "Besides, the blue looks better on you. Green is more my color." 

Kei feels a blush tint his cheeks and he slips in the sweater. "Thanks Yamaguchi." He tries not to look at his plump lips and how they'd feel against his, kissing him goodbye. 

"No problem Tsukki!" he chuckles, looking up at him before promptly checking his phone, which is buzzing softly. 

He looks away as Tadashi texts someone, smiling brightly. He continues texting someone and Kei feels himself blurt out "Who is it?" before he can silence himself. 

Tadashi looks back at him and smiles, happier than Kei knows he'll ever make the boy smile. He sees how his eyes sparkle and shine, something Kei's been hoping to be able to do for a long time. He feels something inside him shake and he feels something break in a sad, defeated snap. 

"Mizuki from our math class asked me out! She's so pretty and nice and she's really smart." he blushes. 

'Oh. Mizuki. The blonde girl on the tennis team. Her.' Kei thinks bitterly as his heart wrenches and cracks, falling apart yet at the same time, burying itself deeper in his chest. 

"So you're dating now?" He manages to ask, gripping onto the sleeves of the sweater, finger picking at one of the stars with a blunt fingernail. 

Tadashi tucks a stray hair behind his ear and sighs. "Yup! We've actually been together for a few weeks. I've just been too scared to tell anyone." he laughs as they turn a corner to where Kei lives. 

"Oh. Congrats." he tries to smile, only manifesting a sad smirk. 

He peels off the star embroidered blue sweater and hands it back to him. He turns to get into his house, arms crossed and hands violently gripping onto his bare arms, he squeezes his eyes shut, fighting back tears. "See you on Monday." He mutters loudly before he opens his door. 

Tadashi quirks his head, wondering why his friend suddenly clammed up. He brushes it off and walks home. He has a date with Mizuki tomorrow. 

-

Kei stays silent as his brother forces him to go shopping with him. He isn't in the mood to be out and about. He tells his brother he's waiting in the car, not needing to wait around for the man to buy volleyball equipment. He gets back in the car and sighs loudly. He tiredly looks out the window and brings his knees to his chest. He feels his heart pound as he notices a certain green haired, freckled boy with a blissful smile and soft eyes wrap an arm around Mizuki's shoulder, pulling her in close. 

She's wearing the star embroidered blue sweater. The one Tadashi always provided for him. He feels a whimper worm it's way up and out of his throat. He sets his head on his knees and feels a very soft and silent sob escape his mouth. 

'Why? Why did I ever think he could love me. She's so much prettier and she's nicer than I am. Why did I ever think he would hold me like that? Why would he ever kiss me?' He laughs sardonically as these thoughts flood his mind and feels himself fall apart bit by bit. God does Kei wish that that could be him, being able to look at him like that, being able to kiss him softly like Mizuki does.

The door opens and closes, and his brother gets in the car. 

"Kei," he asks out, setting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" 

He sniffs and looks up, "I'm fine. Let's go home. Please." 

"Kei, please don't bottle anything up, I want to help." 

Kei looks back up to a table where the two teens sit, sharing a slice of cake. He slides off his glasses and wipes at his tears. 

"Tadashi got a girlfriend." He says simply, pointing at the two. "Now let's go home." 

Akiteru doesn't have to be a genius to know that Kei's been infatuated with his friend for a few years. He also doesn't have to be a genius to know how much he must be hurting right now. 

-

Kei watches, frozen, torn and broken as Tadashi makes out with Mizuki against a wall of the gym. She's wearing that damn sweater, gripping his hair softly. God Kei wishes she'd drop dead, disappear from the face of the earth. Just leave. 

Kei shakes his head, that wouldn't make Tadashi love him. It wouldn't make Kei any less numb or sad. If Tadashi is happy, if Mizuki makes him happy, he has no right to take her away from him. 

He stares at his shoes as he makes his way past the gym slowly. He eventually makes it into the locker room, the team already in there, getting ready, everyone except Tadashi who is preoccupied at the moment. 

"Hey Tsukishima!" Daichi calls out, worming his practice tee shirt on. 

"Yes?" He responds, slipping his tee shirt off quickly. 

"Where's Yamaguchi? Aren't you usually together? I don't want him to be late to practice." He approaches him with a comforting attitude. 

"He's swapping spit with his girlfriend." he snaps sharply before looking down at the base of his locker. "Sorry." he mumbles, taking his glasses off to get ready. 

"It's okay." Is all Daichi can say. 

"I always assumed you two were dating." Hinata adds quietly. 

"Well, we don't get what we want do we?" He says blandly, trying not to be bothered by it, he knows Hinata didn't mean anything by it. 

He hurries to get ready and rushes out of the locker room, walking past Tadashi who tries to stop him and say hi. Kei brushes against his shoulder and looks at him sadly. He gets down to the gym and goes to open the door and get everything set up when he hears Mizuki shout something. 

"Tadashi! You forgot your bag with me!" She runs up to where he stands at the door of the locker room. 

"Oh thank you! Love you." he says in passing, kissing her cheek and smiling. 

'Tadashi? She calls him Tadashi.' Kei looks at the display of affection that he can never experience with the boy. 

He feels his knees go weak, he can't take this anymore. If only he was prettier or more patient or if he was Mizuki, maybe he'd be able to love him like that. And his bag, the ones Akiteru bought for them, the matching green and red. He feels that memory burn while his body runs cold. 

He watches as Tadashi's eyes sparkle as he walks Mizuki to the end of the hallway and kisses her softly. God, he looks so happy and excited, what would've it taken for Tadashi to love him? He feels a chill wash over his body, so very similar to the one that washed over him the day Tadashi told him he was together with Mizuki. 

He feels an onslaught of tears creep up on him and he feels his back slide down the door of the gym until his knees are tucked into his chest. 

Only if he was Mizuki, god how Kei wishes he was Mizuki. 

The star embroidered blue sweater looks better on her anyways.


End file.
